| - I haven't written in a VERY long time because my life is boring and I'm a hermit who sits around and reads or watches TV. I am writing now because I have nothing else to do everyone in my house has abounded me to do something fun. I have no life and no boyfriend and probably no one is going to read this because everyone now has a my space account. They say I should get one but it would end up like this site and i would never write anything on it. So anyone who actually reads this will probably things I'm an idiot for being upset, you know I great friends and a great family and other people have bigger problems but I'm kinda tired of spending my days buried in school work then in my free time I immerse myself in other people's (usually fictional people's) lives. Whether through books, TV, or movies. It's kinda sad that I think I need a guy to make my life interesting but a guy would make it different and I have a fantasy man in mind and there is probably no guy out there that is what I thinking about so I'll continue to wallow in self pity even though I really shouldn't be. Bloody hell somebody shoot me. Why do I have to care so much about school? why can't I just be happy with what I have? Why do I feel like I need a guy to complete me? I haven't even really had a real relationship, so I don't know if a guy would complete me. He could just make me feel unhappy still.
Another thing why am I so afraid of the future. I terrified that I going to end up alone and living in some crap apartment with a crap job. I'm not ready to go into grade 12. If I go to university right after grade 12 I'll be 17!!!!!!!! I can't go to university at 17, I don't even know what I want to do with my pitiful life. Fucking hell!!!!!!!!!! Also if I take a year of I might loose motion and not go to university, then I will end up living in some crap apartment with a crap job. Why can't i have my life figured out, like JJ. She knows what she wants to do and where she wants to go, I don't deal well with being on my own.
And if any of my friends actually read this, I'm not crazy or depressed. I'm just having a venting day, it's kinda hard to pretend like I have no problems everyday so I venting and since the people worth venting to are at nicole's party i'm venting to the internet, so everyone can no how crazy I am and that I'm despert for a guy because the first guy I kissed was some unknown Greek guy over the march break. I'm fucking lame. i think I may go make a my space know or go to bed who the fuck knows.
I just realized that msn is great sometimes, you can talk to someone like you care but you really don't give a flying fuck about what their saying. i think I go through stages, i wsa sad, then confused, now I'm angry. Who knows what I'm going to feel like next. It's like I'm PMSing YAY!!!!!! even though i'm not. Blooody hell i'm tired. Fuck xanga I'm going to sleep. And again to my friends don't worry about me I'll be fine in the morning. |
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YAY!!!! i'm green.
Actually I don't really like the colour green.meh. |
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Discover your Zodiac Personality @ Quiz Me
This is stupid I'm so not a cancer. I guess it kinda describes me but that not my zodiac sign.
Stupid quiz |
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| - I am sick. Oh how fun!!! NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate being sick. It's no fun at all. Somebody shoot me. Well a couple days a go found out that Sarah is most likely moving to England. Which sucks because she's my friend and I would miss her. It would also be the second person this year to move away, first Luke now Sarah. I guess no one likes it here.
The thing that worries me though is the fact that she's going there to be with Trev but she hasn't even meet him. I want her to be happy but I'm also scared that something bad might happen. I guess we'll just have to wait and find out. hopefully everything works out for her. I'm also kinda worried about Ivy going to meet Sam but I'm pretty sure Sam is who she is. I just worry about my friends. I really hope everything works out and everybody is a least somewhat happy. I think it's pretty hard to be perfectly happy. Well that's all I have to say.
-El- |
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| On My Own
from Les Misérable
On my own pretending he’s beside me.
All alone I walk with him till morning.
Without him I feel his arms around me and when I lose my way
I close my eyes and he has found me.
In the rain the pavenemt shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river.
In the darkness the trees ate filles with starlight.
And all I see is him and me forever and forever.
And I know it’s only in my mind that I’m talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind.
Still I say there’s a way for us.
I love him but when the night is over
He is gone the river’s just a river.
Without him the world around me changes
the trees are bare and everywhere the street are filled of strangers.
I love him but everyday I’m learning.
All my life I’ve only been pretending.
Without me his world will go on turning.
The world is full of happiness that I have never known
I love him. I love him. I love him.
But only on my own. |
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